So everyone is asleep that i usually talk to so im just gonna write this out..to myself i guess
I'm happy of what i have and i don't want to sound like i want everything i ask for ,but im just in a really shitty mood and I need to just get it out of my system
okay first School: I really don't want to go back...I've always been picked on our started fights or have been sent to the ER for cutting...plus its my first time moving from my special ED math class to normal and i cant even finish my summer work . I'm scared .. I know i have friend or sibling to help, but when i don't want to ask them for help because i either feel bother or feel even more stupid.. I don't want to try anymore.. I kinda just want to fade away
Second : one of my friends boyfriends keeps me up all night just talking about his girlfriend and it either upsets , frustrates, or makes me jealous and he did it again tonight and I just hate myself . I've been getting so depressed that nothing is becoming fun to me anymore, like my favorite video games don't become fun to me anymore and it just makes me even more upset..
third: all of my relationships have been so dump and i just want to find someone who will actually care and not use me to get someone else or for there own purposes! But at the same time i want to date ! I hate myself!
Fourth: my family just went on a vacation and we were all really happy and having a good time together ! today i had one of my friends over and my step father yelled at me because i didn't bring him back ice cream when me and my friend went to search for jobs.. HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN WITH MONEY AND A CAR HE CAN GET IT BY HIMSELF RIGHT?! I'M A FUCKIN KID WHO ONLY HAD 8 DOLLARS FOR TWO PEOPLE ! OH WHOOPS SORRY YOU A GROWN MAN HAS TO TAKE MONEY FROM HIS WIFE AND KIDS SO YOU CAN GET SHIT THAT IS COMPLETELY USELESS LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD!
Fifth : I hate how my sister cries because shes lonely or frustrated . she 22 , has a boyfriend, ect. I know she is allowed too but i just wanna rage anyway. I love her too death but she needs to get her game together... shes getting a job and is getting her life together, but hr boyfriend always texts me saying " Hey hug Elise's for me shes frustrated". I FEEL LIKE IN THIS WORLD NO ONE CARES AND THEY JUST USE ME FOR THERE OWN REASON ... like they don't even care and I'm just this toy that they can throw around... I feel like I can never be what I want to be.. I always give up and i know i shouldn't but i know i cant reach it so i quick while I'm ahead...I just wanna kill myself already..but I know I'll just be reborn or some shit ..
I know this journal no one will read or care... I just needed to get this out..I'm probably gonna delete this after someone points out a spelling mistake... I just hate how my life is heading and i try to fix it but just mess it up more...
*sighs* sorry guys..
Listening to: Hallelujah